awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
