I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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