I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
