ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
