I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
