I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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