Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
