i dont even know how to be here
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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