Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
