Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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