im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
