I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
