So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
