I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
