i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
