If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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