Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
