What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
