You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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