those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
