I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
