I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need a beard to bite.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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