So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this hospital has no fireball
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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