Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
