Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
