I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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