So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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