You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
