i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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