also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
