I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
