My liver just broke up with me...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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