I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
