Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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