Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
