glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
