Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
