I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
