i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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