i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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