I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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