Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
