He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
