dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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