Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
