why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
