Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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