If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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