Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
