There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
