best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
