my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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