ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
