Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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