I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
