"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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