Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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